My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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