how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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