You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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