i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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