Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We have started to decorate penises.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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