another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize