I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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