I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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