she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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