I accidentally had phone sex last night
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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