If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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