i would punch a child for taco bell
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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