Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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