why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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