The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize