If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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