Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize