I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize