When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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