Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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