I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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