ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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