ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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