And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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