"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
