sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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