had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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