watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize