i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize