he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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