i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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