it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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