i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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