I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My life is pants optional.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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