party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize