Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize