we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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