as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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