It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize