Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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