I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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