I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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