you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize