My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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