i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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