True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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