he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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