apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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