can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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