Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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